Munchkins and Marauders
by Malhearst
Summary: The Marauders play a watered-down and wizard-friendly version of D&D. Lily is the dungeon master, and Sirius is being extremely obvious.


"Alright," Lily said as she sat down on the floor in front of the table, dumping pens and paper on the wooden surface. "Here."

Distributing two dice to each of the three boys present, she continued. "This is a Muggle game called Dungeons and Dragons, but for today's purposes, we'll call it... Munchkins and Marauders." She saw James and Sirius exchange wry smiles, and even Remus indulged in a private smirk. Lily decided to ignore that. "The way this works is that you each have to roll─Wait, where's Peter?"

Sirius waved a hand nonchalantly while looking over the empty character profiles she'd deposited in front of them. "He went to get snacks. How did you say this worked?" His hand, she noticed, came to rest just inches from Remus'. Remus looked up, first at Sirius, then at Lily.

He quickly retracted his hand and looked away.

Sirius, not as subtle, looked painfully across the table.

Lily, knowing the boys better than she cared to, placed her hands on her hips and looked at Sirius, clearly interrupting something. "You mean you sent him."

"It's not like he minds!" Sirius said.

"Sirius─" Remus said softly.

"Oh, come on, Moony, he bounced all the way out of the common room!"

Rolling her eyes, Lily settled down. There was no reasoning with Sirius Black.

"What's this?" James was holding up one of the sheets and pointing to the character trait Agility.

"I'll get to that," Lily said impatiently, shushing them and finally settling down. The Gryffindor Common Room was almost empty except for one of the Prewett twins and Marlene McKinnon. The fire crackled merrily as Lily tried to explain the basic rules of Dungeons and Dragons.

"But then, who's going to be the Dungeon Master?" Sirius asked.

"I am," Lily answered. "And to make it easier for all of you─" she continued before any of them had a chance to protest, "─we're going to base your characters and the adventure off The Fountain of Fair Fortune and my favourite movie, The Wizard of Oz."

"The Wizard of Oz?" Remus said, wiggling his nose, which Lily had come to know as a sign of curiosity. "That's the one about the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, right?"

"The wizard of us?" James said, looking from Remus to Sirius and back again, "Is this your idea?"

"And the Wicked Witch of the West," Sirius said, elbowing James, who looked confused by the entire conversation. Remus was looking over at the two of them, smiling confidently.

"Anyway," Lily interjected loudly, "Roll your dice and choose your characters!"

"My lowest score is…" Remus began, his dice already rolled, "Kindness."

"So…" Lily began.

"So my character's quest will be to find a heart!"

Sirius, snorting, said, "A heart? That's stupid! Why would you want a heart?"

Remus looked up at Lily with a deadpan expression on his face. "You're right. My character's objective will be to find a heart for Sirius instead."

"Well, then my character's objective," Sirius began, making air quotes at the last word, "will be to find Moony a brain!

"Besides," he continued, "if I'm missing a heart, it's because I already gave mine away, nudge nudge wink wink."

Glowering at Sirius for a second, Remus let out a short, sharp exhale through his nose and returned his attention to the character sheet while Lily said, "Great! Remus, you'll be Altheda, and Sirius, you'll be Amata!"

Sirius, in the midst of balling up his piece of paper and aiming it at Remus, did a double take. "Wait, we have to be girls?!"

"Well, those are the characters from the fairy tale."

"Yeah, Padfoot," James said, elbowing him. "Besides, that means I can be Sir Luckless."

"Why?" Sirius replied with a frown on his face.

"Because he gets the girl, of course," James said, winking at Lily, who rolled her eyes and said, "Well, the name fits perfectly."

Behind Remus, the fire crackled as Sirius put another log on.

"Hey!"

"What?" Sirius asked, acting innocent.

Remus just shook his head in response, returning his superficial attention to the piece of paper in front of him. Sirius, once again free to aim his makeshift ball at Remus, was stopped by Lily, who said, "Sirius, you're going to need that."

Finally looking up, Remus said, "You know what, Sirius, when you find that brain, perhaps you should keep it for yourself. Seems like you're missing one."

Sirius straightened with a mocking hand to his chest, saying, "I think, therefore I am."

"You am what? An arsehole?" Remus returned with a smirk on his face.

"And you, divine maiden," James interrupted the two of them, taking hold of Lily's hand, "Who are you going to be?"

Lily, ripping her hand from his, said, "Well, there's only one person left. I guess I'll take Asha. Oh, by the way, James, your quest will be to find your courage."

"But I'm already plenty courageous!" James protested, posing as if to show off the muscles he didn't have.

Shrugging, Lily said, "You chose Sir Luckless, that's your fault."

"So, what about you? What are you missing?"

"Hmm," Lily said, looking upwards in contemplation.

"Dorothy is transported away from her home, right?" Remus, sitting across from her, said quietly, looking at her intently. "Maybe your quest is to find your way back home."

Lily, meeting his gaze, stared for a second and then looked away.

A moment later, Peter stumbled in through the portrait hole, snacks tumbling from his arms and a wide grin on his face. "What did I miss?"

"Remus is missing a brain," Sirius said.

Opening his mouth to respond, Remus ended up closing it again and shaking his head.

"Did you choose characters? Who am I?" Peter asked excitedly. The others looked at each other awkwardly.

"Ahem, there aren't really─" Remus began but was interrupted by James, who said, "I'm Sir Luckless, Pete, so you can be my valiant steed!"

"Sir Luckless? Like in the fairy tale?"

"Yeah, we're doing an interpretation of The Fountain of Fair Fortune," Lily said quietly.

"Oh."

"Yeah, you can be James' steed, Pete! Your quest can be to find your master!" Sirius said, his body shaking with suppressed laughter.

James made a whinnying noise.

"If you want, Peter, the heroine in my favourite movie has a dog who saves the day?" Lily asked, grimacing at her own lacklustre proposal.

Peter, looking down, said, "Sure."

"Alright!" Lily clapped her hands together, trying to win the boys' attention and earning herself a sharp glance from Marlene, who was sitting in one of the armchairs by the southern window, trying to read. Sirius, however, was leaning in towards Remus, whispering something in his ear. When Remus looked up and saw Lily glaring, he quickly drew away, shaking his head with a small but unmistakable smile on his face.

"Alright," Lily repeated. "So. The story starts with all of us being transported to a magi─another dimension! A woman appears to us, telling us to follow a yellow brick road, and all our desires will be met. What do you want to do?"

"Well, it would be madness not to follow the yellow brick road, then, wouldn't it?" Sirius said.

"Perhaps we can't trust her?" Sirius looked at Remus, surprised, but Remus met his gaze evenly.

Lily saw a glimmer of restlessness in Sirius' eyes, as if he was itching to do something, say something, but he was interrupted by James, who said, "I think we should follow the road, see what happens."

"Alright." Remus looked the the side. "Peter?"

"I guess I go where Lily goes," Peter said, smiling at Lily, who beamed back.

"Down the yellow brick road it is! Roll your dice, boys!" Everyone complied, and Lily looked at their scores. "Ahh, Sirius, looks like you fell down."

Beside her, Peter snickered, and Lily couldn't help but shoot him a grin.

"What, why?" Sirius asked.

Remus, the corner of his lip tugging upward, said, "Difficult to use your legs without a brain."

Momentarily distracted, Sirius said, "You're the one missing a brain if you haven't yet…"

The last part was lost to Lily, as Sirius descended into a whisper. She leaned forward, checking the numbers again. "Your Agility and roll weren't high enough, it seems."

"That darn Agility," James said mockingly.

"But the rest of you are fine, so you can continue to the next task─" Lily started.

"Wait, what? We have to help Sirius up. If he can't even walk properly, he'll never catch up," Remus said.

Lily made a small note on her piece of paper, detailing everyone's stats, and made a roll for Remus helping up Sirius. "Looks like you succeed. Now─"

Continuing her narration of the game, Lily couldn't help but notice that this happened a couple of times; the boys were almost too involved with the game, Sirius and Remus especially. The two of them worked like a duo, helping each other at every turn while both James and Peter clung to her, for different reasons.

James, of course, was eager to prove his valiance, and because of his high Strength count, he often succeeded, equally boosting other stats in the same turn.

At one point, Remus was captured by a winged monkey.

"This isn't really The Fountain of Fair Fortune anymore, is it?" James said. Everyone stared at him. "What?"

Lily shook her head. "No, James, it isn't."

"Lily, can you roll for me shooting them down with my slingshot?" Sirius asked.

It took Lily a second to think their journey over. "I can, but the slingshots do less damage because of their armoured feathers, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah." Sirius fell into a contemplative silence, until he suddenly said, "Is there something we can use to corrode the armour? What about water?"

Shrugging, Lily said, "Go ahead and try."

"Maybe you should do it, James," Sirius said, his voice laced with a tinge of regret, "I might just butcher it with my Agility."

James rolled the dice.

"Success! The water hits the monkeys─and corrodes the armour! Well done, Sirius!"

"Thanks!"

"Now you just have to catch Remus."

A panicked look came over him. Lily laughed. "I'm just kidding, he'll be fine. They weren't too high up." She rolled a die. "Remus, take two fall damage."

While Remus scribbled his damage down, Lily added to one of Sirius' stats, and when they finally arrived at the imaginary destination─which Lily named the Fountain of Fair Fortune for James' sake─Lily asked them all to take a look at their new character profiles, which she distributed.

"My Kindness is one of my strongest features now," said Remus, a hint of confusion in his voice.

Sirius, not long after, said, "So is my Intelligence!"

Prompted by the other two, James pitched in too. "My Courage is off the charts!"

It was. Lily hadn't had enough space.

"And I have enough magic now to turn myself human," Peter finished gleefully.

"Well, I suppose there's no need for us to actually make a wish at the fountain, then," Lily said, rising from her seat. The Gryffindor Common Room had long since emptied out except for their little group. The coffee table had wrappers and plastic bags, crumbs and leftovers all over it. "Time to clean up."

All of the boys, without fault, started stammering excuses, until Remus finally sighed and said, "I'll do it."

"I'll do it too," Sirius volunteered.

Lily, James, and Peter, all happy to go free, fed them with hasty 'Thanks's and scurried off towards their respective dormitories.

When they were finally alone, Sirius bumped his shoulder into an already-working Remus. "Thanks for helping me up back there."

Remus looked up, a confused look on his face. Only for a second, however; he then relaxed and gave Sirius a wry smile. He said nothing, though.

Bumping into him again, Sirius said, "Come on, Moony, what are you thinking about?"

With the fire dying out slowly, Remus' silhouette as he straightened looked smouldering and a little ethereal. Sirius looked up at him with a slightly awestruck expression on his face, and Remus looked down at him confidently.

"I'm thinking you're a little too obvious sometimes."

"Psh," Sirius said in lieu of an actual comeback. Stepping forward, he looked straight into Remus' eyes. "It's not like anyone's doubting it anyway."

"I suppose that's true." Remus took a deep breath. "It was nice tonight."

"It was." Sirius nodded once.

"I feel bad for Peter, though."

"You always do."

"Well," Remus countered, "by all measures, you should have been the dog."

Sirius, a hand to his heart, looked mock-hurt. "You break my heart, Remus."

"Be thankful I found you a heart to break." Remus leaned in, placing a lingering kiss on Sirius' mouth.

"Well, don't do it again," Sirius said.

"I promise."

"I've heard that one before."

* * *

Prompts

 **The Fairy Tales Challenge:** The Fountain of Fair Fortune  
 _Additional prompts:_ "I think therefore I am"/"You are what? An a**hole?"  & "I promise"/"I've heard that one before."


End file.
